The Amerkin Persident

I talk like a shmuck.

Ladies In LA Will Be Wearing Red Merkins Tonight

The Lakers got destroyed tonight and I was pulling for the Celtics the whole way. I have a thing against the obnoxious Laker vibe the bandwagoneers pass off for pride around here (by here, I mean Fluffyland). As runner-ups, Kobe and the Lakers get merkins made from leprechaun hair! Congrats!!!

Why do they ruin the trophy ceremony with asinine interviews from network commentators for the whole crowd to hear? Just seems crass to me. And merkins represent class. The class in us all.

Merkins Are Voting Republican in 08

Merkins Kill More Than Marijuana

I know those green leaves look deadly, but you have a greater chance of dying while choking on merkin hair than you have of dying smoking the ganja.

Kick The Russert

With news of the passing of Tim Russert, a journalist who was often a pussy and often off-target, one can safely say that he is in a better, more fluffy world.

Bland Merkin

I don't know if intellectual and lesbian, Camille Paglia, is a fan of the merkin, but she's definitely not a fan of today's young ladies. Paglia says, "stressed-out, wired, over-conceptualized Anglo-American womanhood, currently on display in the hit film of "Sex and the City," is causing cultural dyspepsia. Is it any wonder that so many interesting, talented young men are reluctant to marry or have turned gay in droves? Exactly what do young professional women have to offer these days, aside from hyper office talk over a business lunch?"

As a prescription from the inane materialism many of today's young city girls bring to the table (note: their metro-sexual male counterparts are no better), may I suggest a merkin to spice things up. There's nothing like the smell of a fresh wig to make up for a shitty attitude.

Which Merkin Would You?

Would you put your merkin in this merkin?

Rich Merkin

Does the merkin make the man or the man the merkin make? A moneyed merkin on display courtesy of Donald.